Why "Lazy" and "Unmotivated" Might Be Something Else

Andrea Zians
Sep 3
3 min read

Updated: Sep 4

"My child is lazy and unmotivated and relies on me for everything".

If I had a dollar for every time a parent told me, “My kid is lazy,” or “She’s unmotivated,” or “He relies on me for everything,” I’d be writing this from a beach somewhere.

I hear it all the time. You’re tired. You’re sick of nagging. You’ve tried everything from sticker charts to consequences and rewards yet still feel like nothing works. You might even be asking yourself, “Why do I care more about school than they do?”

After more than 30 years of working with students with ADHD, executive functioning challenges, and learning disabilities, I can confidently say:

I have never met a lazy student. I have never met a student who didn’t want to succeed. But I’ve met many who were never taught how.

They're Not Lazy — They're Missing Skills

Early in my career, a first-grade teacher once told me, “This student doesn’t even know how to sit at their desk properly." My first question was, “Were they ever taught how?”

That question stuck with me and impacted me as an educational consultant. We barely look at what the student has not yet been taught and are quick to point a finger and put the blame on the student. Our schools focus on what students learn — math, reading, science, writing — but rarely teach how to be a student. I call this the implicit and explicit curriculum.

Things like:

How to plan and prioritize
How to organize both physical and digital materials
How to manage time and stay on task
How to develop engagement strategies instead of merely reviewing
How to deal with test anxiety or get started on assignments
How to ask for help in a productive way
How to beat procrastination

The list is quite extensive. Students do not receive direct instruction in notetaking, strategic reading, planning assignments, listening in class and we don't give them enough time to think about their learning. We don't develop mindsets that help students persevere through a tough course or assignment. Let's not even talk about executive functioning skills. Most of the time students are expected to be organized, productive, and know how to manage their work. When our kids haven’t learned these skills, it can show up in ways that mimic laziness or lack of motivation.

“They Rely on Me for Everything”

Parents tell me things like:

“She’ stares into space when she is supposed to be studying”
“He won’t do anything unless I give step-by-step instructions.”
“If I don’t remind her, nothing gets done.”
“I’m tired of managing every detail.”

And they’re right. Their child is relying on them for everything. This isn’t about intelligence. It’s about skills and support. It's about replacing old habits with new strategies and insight.

Move from Frustrated to Competent

The best part of my work is watching the shift.

When students learn the right systems, they get more done, feel more in control, and stop relying on parents to manage every task. I’ve seen kids go evolve from not knowing what to do to someone who builds a weekly study plan they’re proud of. From procrastinating for hours to getting work done and actually feeling confident.

They don’t need to be pushed harder. They need tools that work for them.

Sick of Nagging? Let’s Build Motivation

If you’re tired of the constant reminders...If you’re overwhelmed managing your child’s school life...If your child is smart but underperforming... If you want to see success and confidence.....

Let’s stop the cycle of stress and start teaching real skills.

Students don’t magically become independent. They need to be shown how — and they need to practice. Let's teach the implicit curriculum.

That’s exactly what I do in my work with families.

Ready to turn “lazy” into capable and confident? Click here to book a consult or send me a message.